| "Danny?" |
| Daniel frowned at Jack as he pulled his sweater over his head. He was perched on the bed in Jack's spare room. In fact it had been Daniel's room. |
| It had been very much a little boy's room, boxes of toy cars, posters of Avatar and Yu-Gi-Oh adorned the walls. A toy telescope still stood at the window and small trousers and shirts still hung in the wardrobe. There were little pairs of pants and socks in the dresser and a stash of half eaten cookies tucked under the stack of neatly folded T-shirts. There could be no doubt that many happy hours of a child's life had been spent in this room. |
| Daniel glanced down and noticed the edge of a much loved shoe box he'd been keeping his favourite collectors cards in…and sighed deeply. |
| "What's up, Jack?" he questioned looking from the floor to the doorway. He clumsily fumbled around for his missing glasses on the night table, mentally trying to change his reflective thoughts. |
| Jack leaned casually around the corner of the door, trying to look nonchalant. It wasn't working. Daniel noticed he hadn't come all the way in; he'd always said this was Danny's private place. 'Old habits die hard,' mused Daniel. |
| "I…er…I was just checking you where okay." |
| "I'm fine, Jack" He answered more sharply than he meant too, knowing his answer was a complete lie. He was anything but fine. Over eighteen months of being nine years old had certainly taken its toll on him. Resized unexpectedly (by, they could only presume the Asgard, because they didn't know yet) a few days ago. Daniel had by no means managed to get his bearings. |
| Without a word he'd happily gone to bed one night, a happy-go-lucky nine-year-old kid, only to wake up 25 years older in the morning. He couldn't work out which was worse, the upsizing or the other way about. Both appeared to impose the same level of devastation to his life. |
| He'd got used to the small body eventually. Having his memories had been hard at the beginning, but Jack, Sam and Teal'c had been patient and put up with the emotional turmoil and his childish temperament. He didn't want to be a kid when it all started and after many long and tearful weeks, Jack had reached his limits and handed him over to Grandpa George. |
| George would take no tantrums or shouting. He'd decided to take Daniel away for a long weekend with his granddaughters to the beach. With no work and no one to convince that he was anything other than a child, Daniel had finally learned it was okay to play. His memories of his childhood in Egypt had been awoken as he sat on the sandy, golden beach building castles, the salty waves lapping onto his small feet. For the first time since he was shrunk, he'd smiled and was content in his body. |
| After that, things had improved by degrees. Jack had managed to convince Daniel that he was indulging the big kid in Jack's heart whenever he'd accepted a toy from his enthusiastic adopted parent, or when they went to the park to play. Daniel had played along, secretly enjoying the attention and the opportunity to do the things he'd been too withdrawn to do in his first childhood. |
| Adoption had been less of an issue than everyone had expected for Daniel. The downsizing had appeared permanent; he'd have to grow up again. Jack didn't want to risk Daniel being taken into foster care, so with Daniel's permission, General Hammond had pulled strings and he'd became Jack's son. For some reason, in Daniel's heart, it felt right. He'd never said as much and probably never would, but it had made him feel safe and loved. Something he'd always lacked and never been able to accept, but now relished with every fibre of his being. |
| As time had worn on, Daniel had thought that he'd felt part of his adult self slipping away. Everyday a part of his inner child seeped through the emotional barriers he'd tried to hold onto inside. Absently playing with cars or drawing Jack a picture, brimming with pride when the pieces of childish art were stuck on the fridge or on the wall in Jack's office. It had happened slowly but was as noticeable as night turning into day. |
| One day, he'd sat swinging his legs in Jack's big leather chair while the older man did some paperwork. Something that happened more and more with every passing week. He'd knelt at the large desk, a chunky pencil nestled in his fist producing another original Danny Jackson piece when Ferretti had come in to speak to Jack. Noticing Daniel's concentrated effort and a small tongue sticking from the corner of his mouth, Ferretti had commented enthusiastically about Daniel's pictures. Daniel remembered the look of pride in Jack's face as Ferretti demanded Daniel draw him some colourful artwork too. |
| Within weeks, most of the offices in the SGC had pictures of sand dunes, pyramids and sphinx's dotted about the walls. |
| In more recent months, Daniel remembered he had started to draw more childish things that had taken his interest. His new tree house, the swing in Grandpa George's garden, Jack's truck… |
| Daniel bit down on his lip, realising that Jack had slipped from the doorway while he'd been thinking. 'I can't call him, Grandpa George. He'll think I've lost my mind.' It was as natural as riding a bicycle. He'd had to stop himself from calling Jack, Dad, too and more worryingly, it hurt him *not* to say it. |
| He shook his head and rubbed his face, noticing his stubble, 'Oh great,' he hissed under his breath. Something he definitely hadn't missed. |
| Daniel felt his eyes start to prick, as a drip tickled the end of his nose. He absently wiped it on his sleeve, before frowning at it and cursing himself, 'Jesus, Daniel, get a grip!' |
| In the last few days his emotions had been raw and close to the surface. He'd cried nearly as much this time as when he'd been shrunk. The only difference being this time, he'd done it in private, into his pillow. He felt such a fool for being so emotional. Janet had warned that this would be a very turbulent transition and she wasn't wrong. He'd learnt nothing from his childish happiness and had slowly but surely withdrawn further and further into himself. Something his child persona had always acted out in the complete opposite. As a kid, everyone had known he'd been unhappy and why. |
| No one, including Jack, appeared to know what to do around him now. Daniel had seen Jack quickly draw back a reassuring hand from the corner of his eye on several occasions. The reassuring touch was something that Daniel hated to admit he needed, but would never admit that he wanted. He missed the hair ruffling, the tender hugs and reassuring pats. To some degree, these same actions had been forced upon him by Jack from the beginning of their friendship, before he was downsized, and he'd felt his hackles rise on occasion. Now though, the contact seemed to have stopped completely and he seemed to crave it more than ever, but he wouldn't say. He'd never say… |
| Finding some socks, he got up and made the bed. The Harry Potter bed set still covered the pillow and quilt. He smiled as he leaned over and shook it out, he'd enjoyed reading the books immensely and Teal'c had taken great pleasure in taking him to see the movies. Sam had made short work of finding the matching bedroom equipment, curtains and bed-set not long after. He'd been ecstatic when she'd covered his eyes and led him into the room. |
| There was a light thud and the teddy bear that Grandpa George had bought him fell to the floor. Picking it up, he breathed in the aroma. It was reassuring and made him smile. He straightened its arms and legs out and tucked him carefully under the covers. Daniel had insisted on calling it Bra'tac. Meeting the Jaffa had made him giggle, especially when he teased Jack. He also made Daniel feel safe as even Teal'c called him master, so the teddy bear had got the job of guarding him from the night terrors that had sometimes haunted his dreams. |
| "DANNY." The call came from the foot of the stairs. The routine hadn't really changed. Everyone felt things were best left alone for the first few days. 'Get back into the swing of things,' Janet had advised. They wanted him to have a review to check his mental stability every week for the first few weeks. Daniel, at this moment, had a horrible sinking feeling that he wouldn't pass the next one. |
| He had never felt this unhinged. The need to stay in this room, they said, should be expected, but he knew he also needed to sort all of his adult stuff out; he should have needed to get back to his old life. His belongings had been put back into storage, but he felt no inclination to go and sort his old things out and Jack hadn't pushed or interfered. The overwhelming requirement to be amongst these childish things far outweighed the logical move to get back to being an independent adult and it worried him. |
| "DANNY, COME ON, BREAKFASTS READY!!" Jack was getting impatient and he could smell pancakes…cool, pancakes. With a sudden lift in his mood, a smile touched his lips and he nearly ran down the corridor and stairs. |
| As quickly as that happened, he was berating himself again. "Crap," he cursed, he couldn't seem to control some of his reactions. He'd get a grip, sooner or later. |
| "Morning, da...Jack." And there it was again, rearing its head. |
| Jack smiled at him and sat down opposite, "Morning Danny, tuck in," Jack offered, before opening his paper. |
| Daniel looked up and studied the paper that Jack sat behind and sniffed at the soothing smell of coffee. He smiled when he noticed he had juice and no coffee. |
| "Jack, is it okay if I get coffee?" He winced inwardly, why the hell was he asking? He wasn't a kid. |
| The paper opposite dropped suddenly, "Sorry, Danny, I didn't think." Daniel had made to get up but Jack waved at him to sit back down. "No, no, sit down and eat up, I'll get it." |
| Daniel rolled his eyes. Jack was doing it again, fussing over him, like when he was little; he was more than capable of getting a coffee. "I could get that, Jack." |
| Jack turned back to him, "I said eat, Daniel. I've got this, don't worry." |
| Daniel sighed and clumsily dumped more syrup than required over his pancakes as he slid further back into his chair. Obviously Jack needed time to adjust too. |
| "Enough syrup there, Danny?" Jack hovered over the table as he placed the mug in front of him. |
| Daniel's back stiffened, sitting up a little straighter before frowning at the questioning look on Jacks face. The older man seated himself opposite, the reaction unnoticed. |
| "I'm not kid any more, Jack," Daniel accused. |
| Jack tilted his head and his eyebrows lifted slightly, "I know, Danny." |
| "And don't call me, Danny." That came out a little harsher than he'd meant. |
| "Excuse me?" Now Jack was frowning back. |
| He leant forward and stared Jack in the eye, "How am I meant to get past this if you keep calling me by your stupid kid name? My name is Daniel, not Danny!" |
| Jack didn't answer, only looked on with regretful eyes and returned to his paper. |
| Seeing Jack's reaction, he felt such an ass, this wasn't Jack's fault. |
| Since upsizing, Daniel had managed to avoid arguing with the older man, although his CO's clucking around him had started to become unbearable. Daniel accepted Jack needed to get used to this and to that end, let many things pass him by…until now. He'd snapped and hadn't meant it. He didn't want to hurt the man that he had looked upon as a father for so long. |
| A knot twisted in his chest as he took in Jack's hurt look, "I'm sorry," he mumbled into his pancakes, "I didn't mean it." |
| Jack dropped the paper a little and peered over at the archaeologist's ducked head, a sight that was the same whatever size he was when he felt guilty. "Its okay, Daniel…I'm sorry too...for everything," Jack offered sincerely. |
| The knot twisted a little tighter as a tear trailed down his cheek. "Me too, da…Jack…me too." |
| Daniel peered around the doorway into General Hammond's office, this felt weird beyond belief. Last time he'd done this he'd barely been able to see the General sitting at his desk. |
| "Do you want something, son?" |
| The General's kind face and unexpected question took him by surprise; he didn't think he'd been seen. |
| "I...I was just passing, Sir…It…I, no, no. I didn't want anything." Daniel nervously ducked his head and pushed his glasses further onto his nose before turning to leave. |
| "Come and have a seat, son…please." George had got to his feet and beckoned him over with a warm smile, trying to encourage him to sit down. |
| Daniel turned back, scrunching his eyes up. He didn't feel ready to face George alone yet. They had nodded amicably at each other in the infirmary a few days ago, but neither had said anything. The feeling for Daniel had been that of loss, he couldn't quite put his finger on it, but it lingered in his gut. He supposed that was what had bought him to this office in the first place. |
| Grimacing more than smiling at the invitation, Daniel shook his head, never meeting the other man's gaze. "No, no. I- I have things to do, thanks." Daniel turned quickly, sensing the General's disappointment and started to walk quickly back down the corridor. |
| Just making it to the bend and nearly out of sight, he heard his name called. "Doctor Jackson?" |
| He stopped stock still, as if being frozen in time. His heart thumped, he'd have to go back. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad? |
| Daniel mentally shook himself as he turned and walked back towards the office, his eyes never leaving the floor. He needed to get a grip, this was ridiculous, it was only Gran...sharply sucking in air and chewing on the inside of his mouth, he mentally berated himself for the rogue thought. He had to stop this. |
| Managing to look at the General's face, Daniel smiled weakly at the apologetic look now being directed at him, "Yes, sir?" The question sounded controlled, but his inner calm faultered with every word. |
| George placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed slightly, "Come in and sit down, son. This will only take a few moments." |
| Daniel could sense the warmth in George's voice without looking at his face and nodded shyly before slipping the hold and making his way to one of the chairs opposite the older mans desk. |
| Perching on the edge of the chair, it occurred to him, that the General was the first person to actually touch him since he'd been upsized and that, in a strange way, went towards patting down some of his concerns. |
| George made himself comfortable opposite Daniel before leaning forward on his desk and clasping his hands in front of himself. |
| "So, why did you really come down here, son?" |
| Daniel felt the older man looking at him, but continued to fiddle with his shirtsleeve absently before lifting his head a little. "I...I really don't know, sir," and that was the truth, he didn't know how he'd ended up here. |
| George nodded, "How are things going between you and Colonel O'Neill now?" |
| Daniel swallowed hard, not something he'd wanted to discuss after his little outburst this morning. "Fine, sir, we're getting on okay." He still felt like such a kid sitting here with the General, but without any of the ease and laughter there had been when he was small. He hated to admit it, but he missed that, he missed Grandpa George. In fact he missed so much of being a child, he could hardly rationalize his thoughts about it, but the feelings were there and were strong. |
| Without thinking, he remembered a day when he'd been driving Jack and Sam a little mad. Jack had shooed him away, telling him to go annoy the General for a while. |
| It wasn't long after he'd been shrunk and the injustice of it all had made his attitude and his mood foul and that was probably an understatement. |
| He remembered making his way here, knocking on the open door and wandering in as he always had in the past. The General's door was usually open, unless he didn't want to be disturbed. |
| George had smiled and greeted him as he always did and asked him why he'd come down to his office. Unable to think of a reasonable work related reason and seeing George's frown when he faltered, he'd bit his lip and studied his swinging legs very intently. Daniel had then admitted that Jack and Sam had sent him here because he was annoying them. |
| Daniel had never quite understood it, but George had a way of looking at him that always demanded the truth, whether it was good or bad, or he was big or small. From his smaller perspective Daniel had decided it was definitely the practiced grandfather in the older man. |
| Receiving quite a stern lecture about being good for the Colonel and controlling his childish behavior, George had ignored the pout and the eye roll before beckoning Daniel around to his side of the desk. |
| Getting to his feet and slowly edging to the older man's side, he'd scuffed his toe and nervously fidgeted with his glasses, thinking the worse was to come for causing unnecessary trouble, but George had surprised him. Taking his chin lightly in his hand, George had sympathized with his adult persona about the accident, before dragging his squirming body onto his lap for a cuddle. Daniel had stiffened and refused to be comforted by the reassuring gesture, his adult mind being repulsed by the action. The child in him, however, had won him over in the end and he'd realized he needed the embrace. |
| Daniel had settled under the crook of George's chin and tears had welled up in his eyes. It had been the first time anyone had hugged him, or more importantly Daniel had allowed anybody to hug him. |
| George had held him close and rubbed his back as the silent sobs were released. When Daniel had calmed, George had opened his draw and offered him a sweet, which he'd accepted with a grin. |
| After that, there had been turbulent times, but Grandpa George had always been there. As Daniel had accepted his situation, so he had accepted the new names and the roles that those names took on for his close friends. Uncle Teal'c, Auntie Sam and of course Jack was Daddy. |
| Life had later settled into a comfortable new routine and Daniel had reveled in the new attention, finally deciding that everyone deserved a chance of happiness and maybe this was his. After all, they could find no way to change him back. |
| George's voice shook him from his remembrances and a lump formed in his throat again. Why could he not feel relief instead of loss? |
| "That's good," George smiled. "You know you're always welcome here to talk, Dr Jackson." |
| Daniel felt his heart break a little. It was stupid. Looking around he noticed that some of his childish pictures still adorned the wall, and a photo of him sitting on George's lap sat in a frame on the desk along with those of his real grand children. Daniel didn't want to need this relationship, but couldn't control the overwhelming feelings he had inside. He mentally tallied up another grandfather he couldn't call grandpa, even knowing how unreasonable those thoughts were. |
| "Thank you, sir," he faltered, he needed to go and be alone. "I, can I go now Gr…urr, sorry, Sir...I wasn't thinking, sorry." Daniel recoiled into the chair and covered his face. What a stupid thing to say, he felt close to anger behind the unshed tears that were beginning to well up inside him. |
| Unnoticed, George had moved around the desk and placed a hand on Daniel's shoulder once again, crouching close in front of him. "Daniel, I understand and there's no need to be embarrassed. I just want to say, I will always think of you as my grandson, no matter how old you are." |
| There was hesitancy in the older man's voice, he was obviously unsure as to whether he was saying and doing the right thing. |
| Daniel dropped is hand and looked into the understanding blue eyes that now creased around the edges with concern. He remembered the last time George had reached out and dared to touch him when know one else thought they could. |
| A small smile touched his lips, the caring and unspoken affection in that gaze reaching his broken heart, healing it a little. He supposed realistically the bond once sealed with hugs and childish laughter could never really be lost and that was what George was saying. Adult or Child, the General was making it clear he'd always have a special place for him in his heart, whether he wanted it or not. |
| Daniel sat up straighter as the General stood. |
| "Thank you, sir." This time the smile and the gratitude were real. |
| George returned the smile, "Good and don't be a stranger, son." |
| Daniel nodded and grinned self consciously before getting up and made his way to the door. His adult self feeling a little more fulfilled and settled. |
| "And, Daniel…" |
| Daniel turned and looked back over his shoulder before reaching for the doorknob. "Yes, sir?" |
| "Anytime, son." |
| He returned the warm smile again, "Yes, sir, anytime." |
| Pulling the door gently closed and still smiling, Daniel wandered back down the corridor. Things were by no means right, but he'd consider this one small victory, for his remaining child persona at least. Maybe denying himself these feelings would never work? They would always be with him, after all and acceptance was easier than the inner battle that was raging within. |
| His biggest hurdle was always going to be the way others treated and acted around him. Denying his feelings was something he was well practiced at until this incident. The people that apparently, did, love him and care about him had broken down all his barriers. That had been made quite clear to him while he was a child. Now he couldn't help feeling that wasn't the case , however unreasonable that may be. He also knew things could never be the same again with these people and that was something they would all struggle with. |
| Jack put down the telephone receiver and frowned at it, the General very rarely rang him in his office, but then again, Jack was even more rarely *in* his office. So maybe it wasn't so weird after all? |
| Scrubbing his hands over his face, Jack sighed and pushed the ever growing mound of memos and reports to the back of the desk. He peered at the pile through one eye, his face now resting in his hands, elbows on the edge of the desk. Why he ever thought he'd be able to concentrate on this menial stuff with everything else that had gone on in the last few days, he couldn't imagine. |
| He noisily pushed his chair back and headed to the door, at least George had given him a legitimate excuse to pass by Daniel's office to check on him. |
| As Jack wandered down the corridors, worrying about the man that was not so many hours before, his child, he smiled. Part of him was glad to have the big Daniel back, but the other part of him ached terribly. He felt like he'd lost another son, another kid, his kid… |
| "Hey," Jack poked his head around Daniel's door after standing, contemplating knocking and thinking better of it. Daniel would probably have ignored him, considering his recent mood. |
| "Hey," The brown head bobbed up, glancing at him briefly over the top of the familiar glasses, before returning to its usual pose of being stuck in a book or translation. |
| Jack slowly made his way to Daniel's shelves, looking for something to do with his fidgety hands. He found, what looked like a lump of rock and caressed it between his fingers before looking back at his intended target. |
| "How's it going?" |
| "Fine," Daniel hadn't moved, only to turn a page of the book he was studying so intently. |
| Jack rolled his eyes, before casually sliding his butt onto the edge of Daniel's desk and crossing his legs. The rock was getting a good work out now as he threw it casually from hand to hand. |
| "Yeah?" it was worth asking; maybe Daniel would be a bit more forth coming if he bugged him for a little longer. |
| Watching Daniel look up, he could see the disdain in the younger mans face as he perched on the edge of the desk. Yep he looked annoyed. |
| "Yeah, Jack, everything's fine," he sighed, before returning to what he was doing. |
| Jack considered pursuing his current line of enquiry, but decided it was pointless. Maybe he'd have a better chat with Danny tonight? They needed to talk or something, all they'd done to date was carry on in some strange parallel of how things had been before, but now, the kid he made breakfast for, did washing and picked up after was a lot bigger. |
| Jack crinkled his face at that thought before getting up, he needed to stop the washing and picking up thing, it was a habit; they definitely needed to have a talk. |
| Casually getting up from the desk and gently tossing the rock back onto the shelf and making his way to the door, Jack looked back to see if Daniel had moved; he hadn't. "I'll see you later then, Danny, be goo…" Jack flustered. It had nearly slipped. He'd always told Danny to be good whenever he'd left him somewhere. "Urr, yeah...you know what I mean." Jack waved his hand casually without meeting the now searching gaze that was inspecting him as he slid to the opposite side of the office door. |
| Quickly sticking his head back in, he made his intentions clear, trying not to show his embarrassment. "Lunch then, I'll swing by and pick you up later." With that, he pulled the door sharply closed before shaking his head and sucking in a sharp breath. Setting off towards the lift, he walked a little faster than usual down the corridor. |
| He hated the awkwardness that had developed between them. The relationship he'd had with Daniel's child self had been easy and relaxed once they'd sorted things out. He'd loved the child. If he was honest, he still loved the man that had now taken the child's place, but he couldn't imagine Daniel wanting that paternal type of attention, the old version certainly didn't. |
| Jack certainly had no intention of asking Daniel to leave his house, or anything else at this point in time. Secretly he hoped for a continuation of the precious relationship they'd developed together as father and son. He had friends whose kids were grown and now he'd been robbed of seeing Danny grow normally; it was the least he could hope for. He wanted what other normal dad's had, but Jack had always seemed to have been cursed in that department, he'd never been a normal dad. Maybe, he considered, this was in some way divine retribution for losing Charlie. |
| Without realizing it, he'd arrived at the General's door. He'd not given any further thought to what the older man may have wanted. Usually it was some operational business or clarification on mission briefings, there was no reason for this to be any different. |
| Jack knocked, casually leaning forward through the open door. |
| "Come in, Colonel and close the door behind you." |
| Jack raised his eyebrows and tilted his head, 'Close the door, hurr…okaaay.' |
| He did as he was asked, noticing that the General was signing a few more pieces of paper before clearing the space on the desk in front of him. |
| Jack wandered over and seated himself, he could see from the look on George's face this wasn't going to be a formal meeting, but then again, when did they ever really have formal meetings? |
| "Jack, I've asked you here to talk about, Dr. Jackson." |
| Jack felt himself stiffen a little at the use of his given name and the mention of Daniel. "Problems, sir?" |
| George smiled, "I don't know, Jack, you tell me." |
| Are, so this was going to be one of those sessions was it? He'd done this with the General after Danny had been shrunk originally. 'George was a very perceptive guy,' mused Jack. |
| "Well, sir. It's Danny isn't it, what can I say," and in all honesty he didn't really know. Nothing had changed, only the fact that his small pain in the butt had now got bigger again and had turned a little introspective, much as he had been before, as far as Jack could work out. |
| "You need to talk to him, Jack." |
| Jack was so tempted to say 'Dur!' but stopped himself in the nick of time, "Yes, sir. I was planning to do that tonight," and then something occurred to him. "Has he been here, sir?" |
| George smiled his most endearing smile before nodding and sighing very slightly, "Yes, Jack. He's been here." |
| Jack tried not to look surprised, but then again he couldn't think why it would be a surprise. His kid Danny was always happy to let Grandpa George, (as he'd taken to calling him), run interference when he and Jack had disagreed over something. George had a huge soft spot for Daniel however annoying he was. |
| "And?" Jack drawled out the question and rotated his hand in front of him, trying to prolong getting to the point, "he say anything, sir?" |
| George watched intently and then shook his head, "No, not particularly, but I get the impression he would have had a lot to say, if he'd known how to put it." |
| Jack edged his bets with the next question, but he'd already guessed he was probably not far off with his suppositions, "He wanted, Grandpa?" |
| George smiled and shook his head, always amused by Jacks directness. |
| Before speaking George looked up and Jack met his gaze, seeing only concern and understanding. "Talk to him, Jack, he needs you and before you ask, he knows my position." |
| "Yes, sir, I understand," and he did, or he hoped he did. Daniel had always been a bit of a mystery to Jack, he supposed this was George's way of giving him a heads up. George was always able to reach some of the parts of Daniels complex reasoning that mere mortals like Jack struggled with all the time. |
| "And, Colonel, you and you're team are on stand down for another week, make good use of it. You understand that Dr Fraiser won't let Dr. Jackson gate travel until she thinks he's fit?" |
| Jack got to his feet and stood to attention, "Yes, sir, I understand." |
| "Dismissed, Colonel and let me know how things go," George smiled disarmingly. |
| "Thank you, sir, I will." Jack offered returning the smile and making his way to the door. |
| ~o0o~ |
| Daniel looked up as he heard a hesitant knock at his door, "Great, another concerned visitor," he hissed under his breath, seeing Sam there. |
| He didn't say anything, and she came in anyway. |
| "Hi," she offered quietly while awkwardly standing not far from his desk. |
| He looked up and managed a small smile; it wasn't Sam's fault that Jack was bugging him to death at the minute. "Hi." |
| She returned the smile, appearing slightly more relaxed. |
| "I'er thought I'd drop by and walk around with you for lunch, if that's okay?" |
| Well at least she wasn't asking how he was, but then again she didn't usually need to. Sam, more often than not, had managed to rescue him from Jack on more than one occasion and he'd usually ended up telling her about stuff anyway, but not today. He just wanted to be alone. |
| "It's okay, I have a sandwich, you go on, I'll be fine." Before offering a little smile and catching a look of disappointment in his friend's eyes, he ducked back down to his book, hoping she'd take the hint. |
| A moment passed and she hadn't moved. 'This couldn't be good' he surmised. |
| "Danny, I'm worried about you." |
| Okay, so the statement was simple enough, but he didn't want to pour his heart out to Sam about his stupid kid insecurities, he was a man now, for god's sake. Not a little kid any more. He just needed time to get over this. |
| He looked at Sam intently, her stance had changed from defensive to preparing to pounce, he'd seen it before. Removing his glasses he rubbed his face and met her gaze, "Really, Sam, I'm fine. Just go and get lunch...please." |
| Now he sounded like he was begging to be left alone and that never went well, he doubted she'd leave willingly now. |
| Obviously swooping in for the kill and not buying his reassurances at all, Sam leaned forward on Daniel's desk, getting into his personal space. "You're not fine, Daniel, how can you be? You were a kid a few days ago and now you're a man again and you remember every detail, every cuddle, every bit of mischief, us being your family, being your world for 18 months, how can you be fine, Daniel?" |
| Her voice rose towards the end of the sentence along with her emotion, Daniel noticed tears welling in her eyes. He still wasn't ready for this though. Sam hadn't really spoken to him since the incident and if he we're being truthful, he'd avoided her, knowing she'd need to be reassured of his well being and of all the people he new he'd struggle to bluff, Sam was pretty high on that list. |
| He hitched back in his chair, trying to break the unseen mental grip she had on his being. His temper was starting to rise, he didn't want, or feel he had to try and justify his state of mind right now, all he wanted was to be left alone. |
| "Well, I am, okay. Can we just leave it?" Daniel was all but shouting at the scowling, upset face that was staring at him over the table. She'd been more of a big sister than anything else to Daniel and the time would come when he wanted to talk to her, but not now. |
| "No, Danny, 'we' can't just leave it. There's more people to be considered than just you. You must understand that!" |
| That hit a nerve, more people than just him, so he wasn't the one that had had to go through all of this? Thinking he'd have to grow up again, missing being an adult and, god, now missing being a kid. |
| He scrunched his eyes up and covered them with his hands. "I don't wanna talk to you, Sam! Just leave me alone!" |
| With that angry and shouted plea, his office door flew open, leaving Jack framed in the doorway and frowning. |
| Sam stood up to attention and Jack waved a dismissive hand, while Daniel sank further down into his chair, hoping he may disappear. |
| "So what's all the shouting about, kids?" Jack enquired wryly from the doorway. |
| Daniel rolled his eyes and noticed Jack giving him the 'naughty kid' look; he definitely knew that look by now. |
| "Nothing," he mumbled, dropping his eyes. He certainly didn't want to rehash this argument with Jack involved as well. |
| "Daniel wouldn't come for lunch, sir," Sam said quickly. |
| Oh great, now Jack thinks he's arguing with her about whether he wants to eat yet or not, he didn't know what was worse. Jack was overbearing about his eating habits most of the time anyway, this was just giving him ammunition and Daniel didn't have a 'get out of Jail free card' without admitting the truth. |
| He picked up his glasses and tried to look busy, but feeling Jack's eyes boring into him made it feel hopeless. |
| "Daniel?" |
| Oh and now he was using his proper name too, a sure sign he wasn't a happy camper. |
| Daniel set his face to remove his feelings before looking Jack in the eye, "I want to be left alone." |
| Jacks unforgiving gaze didn't change, "After lunch, come on, you need to eat." |
| Nope, no sympathy there, Jack was going into Dad mode, in auto pilot and straight to the point. |
| "I'm not a kid, Jack. I'll go eat when I'm ready." It was a pathetic attempt to argue his point and he knew he'd lose, but rather that, than talk about Sam's argument. |
| Daniel looked up from his fidgeting to be met with another of Jack's expectant parent expressions. He'd had far too much practice at that and in a funny way it made Daniel smile inside and feel loved. |
| "Daniel?" |
| "Okay, I'm coming…" he nearly called him dad, so very nearly, but caught himself before the tell-tale words could leave his mouth. Unfortunately the pang in his chest dug in a little deeper every time he had to stop himself… |
| Daniel sat across the table from Sam, she kept giving him very pointed looks, he could sense it rather than see it. He was, after all, doing his upmost to avoid her glare. |
| "Danny, are you planning on eating that?" |
| Hearing the question, Daniel looked up from the food that he was currently pushing around his plate. Jack sat opposite him giving him his best colonel stare. |
| "I'm not really hungry, Jack." His stomach was still doing flip flops over the mornings events and he had a horrible feeling that Sam was biding her time before getting ready to pounce again. |
| "You haven't eaten since this morning you should try to eat something." |
| Daniel rolled his eyes and gave Jack a side ways look, "Jack, how old am I?" Daniel waved his fork up and down indicating his current thirty four year old body. |
| Jack stabbed a fry while dropping his gaze to concentrate on his own food, shrugging of the attempt to throw him off the scent, "Irrelevant, Danny. You've never ate properly." |
| Daniel smiled and shook his head, the older man always had a bone to pick over him looking after his health and well being. |
| "But you haven't eaten anything, Daniel." Oh great, Sam. |
| Sam was all but frowning at him. He met her gaze and tipped his head, daring her to say anything else. |
| "Don't look at me like that, Daniel, you haven't. The Colonel's right, you need to eat something." |
| Daniel could see Jack lift his head and watch with interest as Sam pinned Daniel with her own version of Auntie's expectant stare. |
| Daniel placed his fork down and slid his fingers under his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose while he scrunched his eyes up in frustration. He looked back over at Sam who hadn't, for her part, moved a muscle. |
| "I am not nine any more Sam, I do not need somebody to tell me when to eat and sleep," Jack coughed at that before returning to his lunch. Daniel squinted briefly at Jack, "I'm thirty four, I will eat when I please and I will talk about this when I am good and ready." Daniel's voice rose with every word before he drew in a breath, got up noisily from the table and splashed coffee all over Jack. |
| Seeing Jack pull back from the table and gasp, Daniel made a dash for the exit. He'd had more than enough of Sam and had no intention of discussing his personal feelings in public, but he also knew that Jack would be fit to kill after the coffee incident, so made a break for the locker room. He just wanted to go home. |
| "Daniel!" He heard the shout from the commissary and hurried his pace a little more. |
| Riffling through his locker clumsily, Daniel knew that the colonel would be hard on his heels. Finally getting his sweater over his head, he heard the door open. |
| "Danny?" |
| Ahh, not what he expected. No ranting Jack? Daniel peered from behind his locker door as his head popped out of the neck of the sweater and spotted Jack just in the doorway, effectively stopping anyone else coming in. |
| "What was all that about, Danny?" Jacks eyebrows rose a little and he placed his arms firmly over his chest. |
| He hadn't bargained for that question. After successfully throwing Jack off the scent before lunch and the whole Sam debacle, that little outburst must have looked weird to say the least. |
| He chewed his lip, put his foot on the bench to tie his lace and dropped his head, "Urr, nothing really, Jack. Just feeling a bit...stressed." |
| "Stressed, hurr?" Jack hadn't moved, a sure sign he was buying the explanation. |
| "Yeah," Daniel tied his other shoelace while nodding his head and stealing a quick glance at his CO. |
| "Daniel, hate to say this buddy, but this is me you're talking to here. The man that's been playing dad for the last 18 months, I think I know by now if there's something bugging you." |
| Daniel sighed and his shoulders slumped, he could feel his anger rising again. 'Why does everyone wanna fix this?' |
| Closing his eyes, he spun around on his heel and slammed the locker door shut, "Jack, I just want to be left alone." |
| Jack raised his hands and his eyebrows as he backed away from the door that Daniel now slammed through, ready to make his way to the surface. |
| "That went well," murmured Jack as he watched the door swing shut. |
| ~o0o~ |
| On the surface and well up the mountain, Daniel found a sheltered spot and sat down with his back against a log. The fall meant the leaves sat deep on the ground and scrunched satisfyingly under foot as he slid his legs away from his body. The air was cool on his skin, not quite bitter but fresh with a hint of a promised ground frost that would accompany the approaching evening. |
| Throwing his head back in high frustration, Daniel heaved heavy breaths after nearly running most of the way to his current position, "Damn it!" he hissed, grabbing some golden brown leaves and scrunching them tight in his fist. He watched as his breath disappeared into the afternoon air before roughly snatching his glasses from his face to remove the fog. |
| "Why the hell can't they just leave it alone?" He spoke to himself as he tilted his head back and saw the rustling leaves slowly float from above. It was so peaceful here. It helped him put things into perspective, well, most of the time. |
| When he and Jack had argued about his childish behaviour or refusal to do what normal kids did when this all first happened, he often came here. Jack more often than not found him and scolded him for running away on his own. Once, he'd physically been dragged back by his loving Dad. On receiving a sharp tap on the behind, the struggle had ceased and for a while after, Daniel had considered he'd been a tiny bit obnoxious. |
| The memory made him smile…and grimace all that same time. Jack still seemed to be…Jack. And it still gnawed away at him; did he want him to be his Dad? Somebody he could turn to? Jack had always been somebody he could turn to, but that fact didn't make this current situation any easier. He accepted his feelings for what they where, talking to Grandpa George had helped with that, but he needed to…live with them, in his head. He'd needed to talk to Jack, pluck up the courage, maybe that's what was stopping him. He didn't want Jack to think he was a fool. |
| Daniel mulled over how he so naturally called The General, Grandpa, but still fought against calling Jack, Dad. Working anywhere and calling your CO, Dad, was never really going to be an option, but in private…it felt kinda right, comfortable, like an old pair of slippers. |
| That's not what was really bothering him at this precise moment; Sam getting at him bothered him, annoyed him even. He wanted to sort things out in his head and then deal with Sam and Teal'c. They where his dearest friends, but Sam seemed to want something he couldn't give. |
| He'd always struggled to call her Auntie, even as a kid. It just didn't seem to fit somehow. As time had worn on, it had slipped now and again and Jack had always called her that. Sam had always been like a big sister, a confidante, his partner in crime. They had so much fun together. She always got him the things that Jack wouldn't. Watched the stuff on the tv with him that Jack hated, took him to eat junk food and drink sugar infested soda, which Jack didn't. She ran interference, sat and read to him when he stayed with her, which was a regular weekend thing. She did everything an older big sister would do. She'd taken Jack's wrath over his sugar induced tantrums on more than one occasion. She'd even taken him to meet her brother's kids and he'd loved it. He had severely doubted he'd enjoy other children's company, but it had been a blast, an excuse to let rip, to be a real kid. For that weekend, everything had been forgotten. |
| Thinking about it, she'd been fantastic. The best aunt a kid could want. He actually felt a pang of jealousy when he thought of Mark's kids. He knew things would be right with them, eventually, but he needed to sort things out with Jack first. In his eyes, there was nothing to sort out with Sam, she'd treated him in a way that made him feel comfortable and respected, took control when she'd had too and even fended off some of Jack's more overly paternal habits. |
| When he was ready, he'd her tell all of this. He knew that she'd understand, there was never any doubt about that, but the pushy 'talk to me, Daniel', thing, needed to stop now. The 'your not coping, Daniel' thing had to be halted too. He knew what she was thinking. He hadn't gone to her first so she'd gone into, 'Daniel's in real trouble' mode and tried to wade in. She must have known the whole 'Jack and him relationship' was going to be completely weird for a while and thought that he should confide in her, but he didn't want to, not now. |
| A noise from behind made him jump, bringing him suddenly jarring him back from his introspection, "Jack?" he called out, thinking there was every likelihood it would be the older man looking for him. |
| "It's me, Daniel," Sam appeared to his left very hesitantly. |
| Daniel drew his legs up and tucked his head out of sight, he didn't want to speak. |
| "Daniel, I'm sorry I followed. I just needed to speak to you, I'm worried about you." |
| He didn't move and sensed her looking at him in the hope that he may answer. |
| "Please, Daniel." Her voice sounded broken, Daniel's conscious pricked him, after all, someone else's suffering always came before his own self imposed misery. |
| He looked up from his knees, meeting her intense blue gaze. "Sam, I'm okay. I'll *be* okay, honestly. You just need to give me space." He tried not to sound annoyed, but it was difficult, his emotions where still running very close to the surface. |
| As he buried his face into is knees, he sensed her move slightly closer and then a warm hand touched his cheek, "You're cold, Danny. You've been up here for ages. Come back down, please." |
| Somewhere in his mind he appreciated her concern, but that wasn't want blossomed to the surface when he met her eyes once more with a harsh glare. "I don't *need* your concern, Sam. I'm perfectly able to decide *when* I'm cold, *where* I want to sit and *how long* I want to stay out here for." |
| Her mouth opened a little and she looked shocked by his tone of voice, but she didn't say anything. |
| He turned momentarily, twisting his face in frustration. The guilt over his biting words played at the edges of his conscience, but he so desperately wanted to be alone. |
| "But-but, Daniel, please…" Tears had started to form in her eyes, he could see the tell tale signs, hear it in her voice. |
| Slowly lifting his head, he hissed his reply, cutting her off, "Just leave me, Sam." |
| Before managing to see her face, she'd turned and was leaving. She was wiping her eyes. He wanted to call her back and make things right, but he couldn't, not now. He needed to make things right with himself first and some time alone in the wilderness went along way with helping that. |
| ~o0o~ |
| "Daniel?" Jack waded through the leaves, the cold starting to nip at his face, hands and ears. Finding Sam sobbing her heart out in her lab was a bit of an eye opener. Apparently Daniel had been on the rampage and was taking no prisoners. Jack had offered a supportive hug and asked where the linguist was. On hearing he was outside, apparently without a jacket and as stubborn as ever, Jacks spidey senses had gone into overdrive. |
| "Will that kid never think," Jack hissed as he blew warm air into his hands, and pulled his cap a little further down his forehead to block out the late afternoon sun. Jack was ready to drag his big archaeologist back and give him a piece of his mind. He understood he was upset, but upsetting everyone else wasn't the way to deal with this. He needed to learn to talk. |
| "Daniel, where the hell are you?" Jack half shouted, his worry starting to overtake his annoyance; Daniel must have been out here for at least three hours now by his reckoning. |
| "Daniel!" Jack shouted once more as he rounded a bend in the path, the trees being the only indication which way the path went, the assorted golden brown leaves formed a carpet as far as the eye could see. |
| Out of the corner of his eye he noticed the trunk where he'd often found Daniel in the past, but he couldn't see him. Carrying on, a branch snapped behind him, causing him to look over his shoulder. About to carry on, he spotted a familiar body curled on the floor, causing his heart to plummet. |
| "Danny, Danny, are you okay?" Jack rushed over and knelt down next to the prone form, there was no movement. With out thinking, Jack touched Daniel's forehead, it was cold. There was at least, a small sign of his breath leaving his lips. Looking a little closer, Jack could detect minute tremors. |
| Looking at his position and a quick scan of Daniel's body confirmed there were no obvious injuries. Jack quickly removed his coat and draped it over the younger man's shoulders and around his back. He leaned closer, "Daniel, can you hear me?" |
| There was a soft murmur, "Da," but it was hardly discernable. |
| "Are you hurt, Danny, speak to me." There was a flutter of blue eyes accompanied by a very small shake of Daniel's head. |
| Making a quick decision and wanting to get Daniel warm as soon as possible, Jack finally managed to lift the dead weight over his shoulder and started his way back down the mountain. |
| Jack walked very slowly and carefully. With every step his knees complained. The weight and the cold were never a good thing, but he couldn't leave his kid up there alone. Jack cursed himself; his friend was no longer that kid. Jack mentally shook himself, it didn't matter, he wouldn't have left Danny there alone anyway, even to get help. |
| As he tried to readjust the weight on his shoulder, he felt the owner's muscles tense a little. Hmm, maybe he was coming round? |
| "Da," The murmur was a little louder than originally. |
| "Yeah, Danny, I'm here." |
| Deciding to stop and have a break, Jack roughly bundled his burden up and then, as gently as possible, placed Daniels pliant body on the floor. |
| Jack noticed a flash of blue eyes and a now confused face trying to focus on him. |
| Jack zipped the jacket up closer to Daniels chin, taking advantage of his current state and found the younger man's glasses, before carefully placing them on his nose. |
| "Dad, what's going on? Daniel's face was crumpled with thought, his voice still distant; Jack knew if he was that cold, he'd struggle to think coherently. |
| "I'm taking you home, Danny, don't worry," Jack soothed; absently brushing the younger mans hair back as he spoke. |
| "But-but, I want to be alone," even in this state the kid could whine. |
| 'Stubborn son of a bitch', thought Jack. "No, Danny, over my dead body. You're coming home with me." Jacks words were terse, his earlier annoyance bubbling up slightly. |
| Daniel now struggled to sit up, it was clear he would be unable to stand un-aided. "I wanna stay, Jack." |
| 'Oh hear we go, he's coming back to us now,' Jack frowned and grasped Daniel's shoulder in his rough hand. "It's my place or the mountain and the infirmary, Daniel. You are *not* staying. You nearly froze to death up here; don't ya get it, Danny?" |
| Jack continued his unbending stare into the blue eyes that were quite obviously still struggling to focus on him. This was Danny and his stubborn streak at its worst. Jack was quite ready to haul Daniel's butt back over his shoulder and take him straight to the infirmary, no matter how much his knees complained. |
| "So, either I carry your bony ass down the mountain and back into the SGC, or I help you walk down and we get to go home, it's your choice, Danny." Jack stood, ready to move out. He certainly wasn't going to debate how this would pan out. |
| Daniel wavered as he tried to get up and groaned, "I really don't wanna go anywhere." |
| Jack turned and grabbed Daniel's arm, "For cryin out loud, Danny! What did I just say? Your first choice is *sooo* not going to happen, so can it and walk, or suffer the indignity of being carried!" |
| Jack was annoyed and cold, he wanted to get back. He so wanted to knock the kid on his ass at the moment, ill or not. |
| "Okay," came a sigh of resignation, "but it's under protest." |
| Jesus! How could he sound so damn petulant, even in this semi aware state? Jack huffed and helped the young man to a nearly standing position. Taking most of the weight, Jack made his way carefully down the mountain with no further complaints. Jack considered that all Daniel's strength was spent on the effort of walking and thank god for that! |
| At the truck he bundled Daniel into back seat and strapped him in, they were hardly down the road when Jack heard the gentle snoring that accompanied any age Daniel with sinus problems. |
| Jack smiled and shook his head; he'd get him into bed, see how he was and maybe ask Janet to pop in. He could explain to the General, who he doubted would be very pleased. After that, they'd be having words… |
